Monthly Archives: October 2016

The Best is Yet to Come

The Best is Yet to Come

I love this song by Frank Sinatra!  So full of hope and joyful expectation!  If you can find it, take a listen, even if it’s not your kind of music, I promise it will be fun.

In a world where every few minutes you could read about another disaster or crisis, it is difficult to feel positive about the future.  I think that’s why so many people love science fiction and fantasy, even with the huge obstacles in the stories, somehow the hero and heroine are victorious, giving us all hope.

We can be the hero or heroine in our own story but first we must actually believe that not only is the best for us yet to come, we DESERVE the best.  To have the courage to face a challenging situation with grace, love, and looking for the opportunities to grow as a person takes a commitment to yourself and the strength to KEEP SHOWING UP.

This is the most important lesson I have ever learned, DO NOT QUIT ON YOURSELF.  What you do to your life and your body is your business, others may be impacted by it, but ultimately, this is your story, no one else’s.

“Today I will become the hero of my own story.  I will champion myself and with love, humor, and grace, I will have the courage to keep showing up for the best that is yet to come.”

You will do what you do until you can’t do it anymore

You will do what you do until you can’t do it anymore

I came up with this saying about 30 years ago.  What it means is that humans are stubborn and some of our best lessons are learned when we have beat our heads against the wall until we are so exhausted we finally surrender and admit that we just can’t keep taking the same action and expect different results!

By practicing the Love First approach to life, I no longer need to wait until I am beaten and torn up inside to change.  Some patterns may take a while to discover, especially if they are patterns from your childhood, but once you have been practicing looking for positive aspects to appreciate, you will be more sensitive to behavior that causes you pain.

Be gentle with yourself and remember that the process of being human is one that lasts a lifetime, there is no test, no graduation from this life, you learn along the way and the only thing you can ask of yourself, or others, really, is to do the best you can, one day at a time.

“Today, I will be willing to ask myself if I am ready to take a different action, one of Love First, for myself and for others, and let that guiding principle lead me to new results.”

Freedom to Choose

Freedom to Choose

We all are free to think what we want, even those who are imprisoned still decide their thoughts if they are not mentally impaired.  We are so free that we can choose thoughts that are negative, unpleasant, and make us feel bad.  That’s how free we are.  Being mindful of those destructive thoughts takes practice.  We are all so comfortable with the negativity we don’t even notice when we are doing it.

It takes time to modify behavior, so be easy about it.  Beating yourself up for having a negative thought is just as bad as having the thought!   Changing one thought, one step at a time is all any of us can do.

“Today I will listen to my self-talk and how I speak about my life to others.  I will notice when I am being negative, and as gently as I can, reach for another thought that feels better.”

Good Judgement

Good Judgement

We hear a lot about “good judgment” but what does that mean?  If we all have different opinions of what constitutes right and wrong, how do we come to agreement about what we should do as a society? Democracy is about majority rule, contrary to what certain people have been saying about “rigged elections” and “conspiracy theories”.

“Judgment” is not a word I use much.  I prefer the word, “Discernment”. To discern is to look at all the evidence and without anger or resistance, come to a decision about the issue.  You do not have to make the evidence “right or wrong”, rather what you would prefer in this moment.

“Today I will look at the issues in my life and without assigning a moral opinion about what others may think, decide which is the best option for me at this time.”

Gifts

Gifts

Every relationship, even the hard ones bring us gifts.  The gift may not be obvious at first, but as time passes, and if we are willing to really evaluate it, looking at our part in bringing the relationship into our lives, we will eventually find the reason that we participated in this rendezvous of two souls meeting on the path to their enlightenment.

“Today, I will take a look at the relationships in my life and take inventory, the good and the bad, the joy and the pain, and be willing to look for the gifts those experiences have given me.”

Reasons to Stay

Reasons to Stay

Somewhere along my path I came up with the idea that I needed to prove that I was worth loving.  This meant making excuses for behavior in friends and lovers when their words or actions were truly unloving towards themselves or me.  Being supportive and nurturing is great, but it has its limits.  Love First is about loving yourself FIRST, and from that place flowing love to others.

I have said in Love First, the Beginning, that it can be a great act of love for yourself to not participate with someone who does not treat you well.  Convincing that person of seeing it your way or trying to prove to them that they should love you can bring you to looking for reasons to stay in something that is not healthy.   We make this choice because we don’t trust that we can be our authentic self and that we will find someone that not only accepts who we are, but is THRILLED to have found us!

“Today, I will notice when I am making excuses for someone’s behavior out of fear of being alone.  I will take a step back and ask if this relationship adds value to my life, or with love for myself and them, decide if is time to let them go.”

Transformation

Transformation

My first Music CD is called “Sheddin’ My Skin”, an inside joke from having played “Na’Toth” a very reptilian character, on “Babylon 5”.  The idea that we “shed” our psychological “skins” is not a new one. But here’s the thing about transformation, those old ideas don’t go down without a fight.  In fact, it seems that the minute you declare to the Universe that you WILL change a behavior or let go of an outdated idea, that part of you rears its ugly head up in its death throes, pushing you to the limits of your commitment to change.

We are standing at the edge of transformation in our world, too, and it will be messy and challenging, asking us to stand firm in our dedication to becoming more than we have been in the past.  All change is scary, the unknown uncomfortable, but change we must, because nothing changes if it stays the same.

“Today, I will examine my perspective of life and ask if my beliefs serve me and the greater good, or if it is time to “shed” these old ideas and give birth to new ones.”

“Dis-Ease”

“Dis-Ease”

My brother-in-law Jay (he’s a wonder, this one!) said this to me 20 years ago.  What is disease? The resistance of the well-being that is natural to us all, the “stepping on the hose of the flow of positive energy, the pinching off of life force,” this is DIS-EASE.

When we are out of connection with the Energy that is in all Life, we are alone, afraid, and without real power.  When we resist and push against others for their beliefs or actions, we find ourselves out of sync with our positive energy and in that resistance and negativity illness is allowed into our bodies.  Yes, I said it, we ATTRACT disease. I know it’s hard to hear, but if we don’t take responsibility for co-creating the disease, how can we have the power to heal it?

Soothing yourself back into a place of ease takes practice.  Knowing that your body can assist in its own healing takes faith.  Doctors now understand how much the patient’s own belief about a treatment working affects the treatment’s outcome.

“Today I will notice when I am in “Dis-Ease” and I will gently and with love for me, soothe myself back into Connection with the positive flow that is always available to me.”

The Freedom of Truth

The Freedom of Truth

There is a great saying, “The Truth shall set you Free.” This is because being authentic and standing in your truth is the only way to love yourself and eventually, love others.  You have to “Be what you Be” because you can’t be anyone else.

This is not an instantaneous awareness, we develop our personalities and character one day at a time.  When we are young we try on different ideas, which is perfect and natural, but as we enter our twenties and thirties, we begin to form core beliefs based on experience, not just theory.  Life teaches us our lessons, and if we are good students, we take those lessons to heart, becoming more and more a unique individual.  By “Loving ourselves First” we do not abandon that Self for a partner, a parent, our children, instead, we stand in our knowing of who we are and allow others to be who they are, EVEN IF WE DON’T ALWAYS AGREE.

“Today, I will take stock of who I AM.  I will re-commit to my own personal truth and from that place of love for myself, I will stand in that truth and be authentic with those I meet.”

Anger, the motivator?

Anger, the motivator?

They say that depression is anger turned inwards, and many times, therapists poke and poke until the patient gets mad.  Why? Because anger is a more powerful force than depression.  I am not advocating anger, not at all, but if the option is depression or anger, anger is still moving up the ladder of energy flowing and “getting mad at it” (whatever ‘it” is) can be a healthy thing.  Because in the acknowledgment that you are angry about something you are saying that you care enough about the situation to have an opinion and to FEEL your feelings.

Here’s the trick.  You can’t stay angry.  Once you have poked that stick at what is bothering you and have had a good cry, screamed, beat a pillow, (yep, done all of this myself) that’s when you release that tension and MOVE the energy.  Now you can look at what is bothering you and take the next step, acceptance.  We cannot change what we will not accept.  It is what it is.  Ok, now what? Use the contrast between what you don’t want to inspire you to what you would prefer.

“Today, I will allow myself to care enough to get MAD.  Really get it all out!  And then, I will accept where I stand, and envision where I would rather be.”

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