I know. It hurts. And I am not going to tell you it shouldn’t. If you didn’t really care about that person then you won’t feel the pain of the loss. But if you loved them, and you gave it your best shot, then of course it is going to hurt.
And even if you are the one who left, there will be moments of great sadness because here is the part so few understand. When we begin any relationship we have a DREAM, a dream of that romance, full of possibilities and hope. So if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t matter how well you have convinced yourself it is for the best to move on, you will never be able to heal until you do this one thing.
Mourn the loss of your dream. If you truly allow yourself to grieve the loss, then, as with any death, there can be a re-birth. Take the time and space to honor the one who you thought was going to be forever, and with love, let them go.
Only when you have walked through the phases of this grief will you be able to create a new dream, be ready for a new partner. Instead of bouncing like a ball in the pinball machine, wondering why you keep getting the same result, be willing to reflect on what didn’t work, own your part in it, and make the changes in yourself to be ready to bring a new person into your life. Be as deliberate in creating a new partner as you are about other major choices in your life and you will see an entirely new type of person enter your experience.
“Today, if I am hurting over a lost love, I will remember to appreciate the depth of that love which was part of my dreams. I will forgive us both for our part and be willing to make the changes in myself to love again.”