There have been many times in my life where I have met someone and it just feels so amazing! This person sounds like a long lost sister, brother, whatever, and wow, it’s so familiar and feels really good. And then, I begin to notice something. What felt so familiar was not all the good stuff; it was the “Story” one of a similar childhood, failed relationships, painful experiences.
This is called “Commiseration”, and at first, it does feel good, “Someone understands ME!” But do they? Or have you just attracted a person with similar wounds? Usually one of three things will occur: You will find yourself dragged back into the “Story” and revisit your “Chain of Pain”, or, you will notice the “Story” and think you are going to help “fix” the other person, or, you will find that while your “Story” is the same, how you are changing and growing past that “Story” is not, and you will eventually let this person go.
It can be hard to recognize when we have created a familiar pattern out of loneliness or boredom, or even the wish to change our past. It takes courage to stop and evaluate this new relationship and ask yourself if you are moving forward in your life or moving backward by engaging with them.
“Today, I will look at my relationships and see how we support each other to being our “Best” selves. If I find someone that has me going backward, I will lovingly and without judgment, let them go.”